Until we bleed
by xbloodysandx
Summary: It wasn't love. at least that's what Gaara told himself. But Naruto didn't leave. The blond stayed even though it hurt. And so they plays the game over and over till they bleed...angsty theme doesn't make much sense and rated M. yaoi read on ur own risk.


AN/WARNING: very dark angst theme it doesn't really make sense. all just confusing babble from Gaara's(or mine its same) messed up mind. mention of drug and yaoi. i say don't read if your feeling happy. or read but don't say its crappy. i warned u..*wags a finger under ur nose*. might wanna hear the song "until we bleed" by kleerup (i guess? im not sure about the artist name.) while reading it. a stoned song for a stoned story. lyrics' from that same song i mention..

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Gaara knew he just knew he was going to drag the golden boy to the hell he was in. He always did. Every one he ever came close to was destroyed. He knew the first time he saw his own reflection in Naruto's oh so blue eyes, filled with awe adoration and desire he knew the boy was done for.

He never cared who fell, not any more not since he became numb with various poison rushing trough his veins. He knew they were ending him...these poisons.. blue pale and golden...so poisonous its effecting the air he breathes... and they make him forget they make the pain go away and someday soon they'll make his life stop but then again that's why he took them. He couldn't kill himself for one reason or another. This was the easier alternative.

It wasn't overly dramatic; his story. Mother died giving birth, father didn't love enough, didn't get enough attention; his siblings loved him and it just made it that much worse. It was one thing to be blind but another thing to give a blind man a glimpse of light and never being able to see it. He craved for it so long and yet he couldn't even tell what he craved for. Not until his brother died in some alley from drug overdose and his sister changed after that.

She really loved them. And after Kankuro's death she just... changed. Gaara started on the drugs his brother had hidden in a secret stash in his room. And Temari spent too much time out. And then one day he leant she was pregnant. And she was drinking and smocking. Till she lost the baby.

Like she wasn't suffering enough.

Gaara was full on addicted by then. And their father left them. Good no more beating for dear old Gaara. _'dear'_...The red head was laughing. Louder and louder till he was shaking and tears were rolling down his porcelain face and he could no longer tell if he was laughing or crying.

His dad left and sister went insane. Gaara no longer knew if she was alive or not. He didn't try looking for her after that one day few people from some mental hospital called them about her being admitted in their place or something. He didn't go. She'd only get worse seeing him like this.

After the last ray of light left his dark world Gaara learnt love wasn't for him. So he drowned himself in the poison. It was warm. He was cold and he needed warmth. Blood was warm. Fire was warm, drugs were warm but the warmest of them all was the warmth of a body beside him, inside him around him, surrounding him. Warmth was addictive. And so he got addicted. Craved all these source of warmth from where ever he could find because he was so very cold. And he learnt everything had a price. Warmth of another body didn't come if he was cold. He craved warmth. They craved love. Foolish idiots.

_Lights black  
Heads bang  
You're my drug  
We live it  
You're drunk, you need it  
Real love, I'll give it_

And there were so many foolish idiots in the world Gaara would never run out of warmth.

But then he met Naruto.

The bright golden boy with brilliant smile and eyes so bright and he was so warm he was glowing from far away. Gaara knew he wasn't just warm he was blistering hot and the red head was afraid he'd get burnt. So he ran. Ran from that always the blond saw him, ran from his fear ran from Naruto and himself for a moment. But Naruto followed him.

_I'm naked  
I'm numb  
I'm stupid  
I'm staying  
And if Cupid's got a gun, then he's shootin'  
_

He tried to resist but he... just couldn't. So there he was. Wrapped in a kind of warmth he never felt before. It was overwhelming this heat... suffocating him from inside out and drowning him till he couldn't tell up from down.

It was middle of noon but outside it was dark as if early evening. It was raining. The room was heavy with smoke. It smelt intoxicating. Even more so when Gaara wrapped his pale thin arms around Naruto's broad shoulders and pulled him down till the bigger boy was covering him like a thick blanket in a cold winter night. The blonde's breath brought rush of warmth on Gaara's death cold skin. And when his lips trailed down after his breath Gaara was burning up.

Pale thin fingers clutched golden strands of hair and pulled Naruto closer. His thin yet full lips trembled as if from cold when he called Naruto's name as a breathy prayer over and over again. A strong hand grabbed the back of his pale thigh and almost lifted his lower body off the bed and he could feel it right there at his opening. Naruto's desire burning, throbbing pulsing with life and desperate need.

"Tell me..." Naruto said his voice dark from desire "tell me where you want me Gaara..." His name rolled of those full caramel lips like desire raw and naked. And it sent shivers down his spine as if he just dipped his soul in a frozen river and Gaara knew he had to answer if he wanted the emptiness inside to be filled. It was like this most of the time. Gaara pressed his chapped lips on Naruto's ear and said

"...inside me..." It was a breathy whisper but it was more then enough for Naruto. With one swift thrust he was buried deep inside Gaara's core.

And it began yet again.

Old rhythm almost as familiar as the beating of their hearts over and over again. It was so familiar this routine but not old. Never old nor was it boring. Honey color lips crashed on Gaara's ivory pale ones and they kissed like it was the end of it all. For a moment Gaara thought his heart stopped. It was hard to tell these days if it was still beating or not. But it didn't really matter when Naruto was there.

_So we're bound to linger on  
We drink the fatal drop  
Then love until we bleed  
Then fall apart in parts_

And Naruto came undone in his arms. His thrusts got erratic, wild and it felt like the blond almost melted into him till they were no longer apart. For a moment he held onto the burning body lying on top of him life it was his life line. maybe it was Gaara wouldn't know what kept him alive these days.

For a moment Naruto almost believed Gaara could understand what he had been trying to tell for years now. For a moment it felt like he could save this fragile lost thing in his arms. That was until Gaara turned away from where his forehead was pressed into Naruto's neck.

And it was his way to tell Naruto to leave. But the blond couldn't. Not without saying it again. One more time. Maybe this time Gaara would reply...?

"I love you...Gaara..."

Those dark eyelids didn't part, and Gaara didn't look at him as he replied with his raspy broken voice

"You shouldn't have..."

_You wasted your times  
On my heart  
You've burned  
And if bridges gotta fall, then you'll fall, too_

XXXX

AN: I know it's lodda crap. but this is how i feel right now. Crappy. If u felt crappy too then well share with the class by review. If i wasted ur time well sorry... sometimes i can be bitchy n joy kill like that...


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